爱一个人，并不会因此获得被爱的权利

《面纱》里，瓦尔特从一开始就知道凯蒂为什么嫁给他。他没有把婚姻当成她理应爱自己的理由，连她偶尔流露的一点好感，也只敢当作恩惠。

‘I had no illusions about you,’ he said. ‘I knew you were silly and frivolous and empty-headed. But I loved you. I knew that your aims and ideals were vulgar and common-place. But I loved you. I knew that you were second-rate. But I loved you. It’s comic when I think how hard I tried to be amused by the things that amused you and how anxious I was to hide from you that I wasn’t ignorant and vulgar and scandal-mongering and stupid. I knew how frightened you were of intelligence and I did everything I could to make you think me as big a fool as the rest of the men you knew. I knew that you’d only married me for convenience. I loved you so much, I didn’t care. Most people, as far as I can see, when they’re in love with some one and the love isn’t returned feel that they have a grievance. They grow angry and bitter. I wasn’t like that. I never expected you to love me, I didn’t see any reason that you should, I never thought myself very lovable. I was thankful to be allowed to love you and I was enraptured when now and then I thought you were pleased with me or when I noticed in your eyes a gleam of good-humoured affection. I tried not to bore you with my love; I knew I couldn’t afford to do that and I was always on the lookout for the first sign that you were impatient with my affection. What most husbands expect as a right I was prepared to receive as a favour.’

他说得很清楚，可他后来还是把凯蒂带进霍乱中的湄潭府。理智上不索取回报，并不等于受伤以后不会愤怒，也不等于爱不会变成惩罚。瓦尔特没有公开主张对凯蒂的所有权，行动里却仍想让两个人一起付出代价。

凯蒂和查理之间又把这段关系翻了过来。对她来说，这段爱是全部；对查理来说，只是一段不值得改变余生的插曲。

‘How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realise that to you it was only an episode.’

‘One can be very much in love with a woman without wishing to spend the rest of one’s life with her.’

小说后面还有一句更直接的话：

“但是，重要的是爱一个人，而不是被人爱。一个人对爱他的人可以丝毫没有怜悯之心；如果他不爱她们，就只会觉得她们厌烦。”

你并不拥有你所爱的 说的是同一条边界。爱能够解释一个人的付出，却不会替另一个人生成义务。婚姻若要继续，也只能靠 每天重新建立的感情，不能靠过去那一次承诺永久索取。

这条听起来冷，实际是在拆一笔并不存在的账。 付出会自动生成债权，这个假设几乎人人都有，而它从来没有被谁承诺过。

别人如何评价你，是别人的课题 是同一把刀的另一面：对方爱不爱你是对方的课题，正如你爱不爱对方是你的。 你没有责任活成别人期待的样子 处理的是被要求的那一端。

沉没成本把过去的损失带进今天的决定 那种记账方式在这里也在起作用：投入越多越觉得该得到回报，而这两件事之间没有任何机制连接。 ——收入 读书笔记 · 一得

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